Love, Romanticized
Are we finally ready to romanticize love again?
In my observation, throughout the past decade or two we’ve suffered a disappointing lack of heart-forward media, zeroing in instead on cheesy reality dramas, childish crushes, and “explicit content.” Where are the sweet romantic comedies of the nineties and early two-thousands? Who are our enduring adult examples of maturity, commitment, joy, and sacrifice? And the music?
Well, in that area at least I can point to a turned corner. I credit two women with this recent resurgence of celebrated soft-feelings: singer-songwriting superstars Olivia Dean and RAYE. These British creators bridge their art between power and the feminine longing to love, casting a positive glow back onto the subject and nodding to pain as an inevitable part of the journey, but not as their principal place of dwelling. Oh, and while they’re at it? Might as well nudge those identifying as men to step up to the plate.
At a recent Grammy panel I got to see Ms. Dean briefly discuss her artistry’s journey to the Best New Artist nomination (that she went on to win). The takeaway she hoped to share with her music: it’s okay to want to love and be loved. She explained how for quite a long time now, women have been fed various versions of “I don’t need a man” messaging. With her lyrics she wanted to challenge this movement with the question, “but what if I want a man?” What I greatly appreciate about her challenge is that it also importantly emphasizes that last word: man. Dean includes a call to action for men to show up as men, asking them to impress, engage, flatter, flirt, and communicate with intention. The goal, after all, is to love and be loved, not used and discarded, so the prerequisite of integrity is key. Dean now has men all over the world singing and dancing along to her songs (add to that, salivating), and this is the power of the femininity and vulnerability in her art. Thanks to Dean’s strong stance on romance, we’re all inspired to love better and treat others’ hearts with the gentle respect and awe that they’re due.
Now as for RAYE. Who else could release a song begging for a husband and make it seem so overwhelmingly cool? I believe the bold authenticity of her supplication is what has made her smash song “Where Is My Husband!” such a piercing success (along with her infectious vocals and genre-fluid musical genius, of course). Something uniquely brilliant about this song is how she highlights sharing your heartaches with a greater community - she includes an audio clip of her grandmother prophesying that her “husband is coming.” This discreetly teaches the listener that RAYE’s hopes and yearnings are something discussed and prayed over with those close in her life. This is so lovely to me. It’s another example of courageously standing up with honesty and confidence about the painful depth of your desire for partnership and love. The specificity of “husband” is another beautiful detail in the song. It’s an incredibly crucial cultural distinction, because anyone can be a “lover.” It takes a man of integrity to be a husband. Once again, the call for profundity and commitment is echoed.
“Come be the man I need,” pleads Olivia Dean, following RAYE’s cries of “where the hell is my husband? What is taking him so long to find me?” And the kicker is, they now have the whole planet singing along, creating a movement of romanticising true love again and emphasizing the soulful yearning for something more than the past few decades’ script of hardened independence.
It’s your move, men.
